i want it now. so give it to me.

Oh sweet hedonism. In present day, we are so used to having it, having it all, having it now, if not sooner. So when all of a sudden what we have our sights on isn’t immediately in our realm, we tend to go a bit….postal.

For three years I was in the cliched big fish small pond scenario. Now, as the new kid, I was starting fresh, and with that, comes that proverbial one step forward, two step back, or the cha cha cha, depending on how you view things.

They let me out the other day (not like that) to see my first client, it was like a virgin all over again. A very big deal when you are a vendor, the first time you are allowed out in front of a client.

Flashback to summer 2013, my first big outing with Mr. Dash, Washington State bound, and Mr.Dash had enough faith in me to bring me along for a big one, to slay a dragon cross border. We won, Mt. Dash, his wit, knowledge, humour, and me, and my purple dress. So seriously, when he asked why we had won the business, well his knowledge, my dress. The dress became my sword, my secret weapon.

Three years on, though the dress is a classic, I didn’t feel right busting it out on this one, I needed to go bigger, and it was Wednesday, so I had to wear pink.

Anyway, fake it till you make it, dress the part, blah blah blah, meanwhile it’s about 50 Celsius and I’m sweating like I’m in the Bikram room. They don’t teach you how to handle the humidex in business school, perhaps they should.

Thankfully in the meeting, in a room with AC, well this fish felt right at home, but sans Mr. Dash. Habit is a funny thing, I was so ready to go down the route of humour, when I had to literally bite my tongue and sit on my hands, and then I realized, you have to earn the relationship. You can’t just expect it to be immediate. This was going to take time, I had to be patient, something else to add to my list for my year of firsts.

And for me obviously, these days it is all about the work stuff. The immersion, the culture shift, the fitting it, or rather finding my footing, my niche in the professional sense. But that being said, it does not mean I have forgotten about the single girl struggle, that is all too real.

I was reminded of the dynamics of dating, the other afternoon at the Amsterdam Pub, 37 degrees, Jays for the win, and I need a drink. Sitting bar side is a fellow Toroto walking enthusiast, a couple of innings and drinks later, we start talking men and dating. She decided to give the online dating thing a try, a struggle because she said, it’s time consuming, why can’t we just skip all the awkward chit chat, the getting to know each other, and just get into the relationship? And she’s not alone here, most of us given the choice, would fast forward to a spot of comfort and ease, rather than muddle through the preliminary stuff.  She ends of connecting with someone she thinks seems worthy. They meet, they chat, drink, share a bite, then the conversation moves from the surface ( part of town you live in, what you do) to family, so…. he says are you ok with dating someone who has a kid? Not one to be caught off guard she says, yep all good. Oh great, so I’m a dad, I’ve got a 14 month old. Pardon? Yeah, my wife and I split, I couch surf, it’s a work in progress.

This dude, hedonist. Ambitious but a hedonist. Honour your place in your life. Not the time to be online dating, maybe improve thee old credit score and find a place to live? Just a suggestion.

Nurture the journey. You can’t rush a good thing.

the new kid.

Are you cringing? The answer is probably yes, if you have the slightest bit of social anxiety, or you just don’t like change. It’s like how you feel doing a California lane change across the 401, minutes before you realise you were about to miss your exit. Terrified.

There are really two outcomes you can count on when you are the new kid, either you’ll rise into white knight territory, or not.

I never was the solo new kid at school.  It was always comforting to know that come September, even though you were moving schools, so were all of your friends. Power in numbers.

Starting a new job, well you don’t have the same luxury, you truely are going it alone. Now this was like starting high school as a freshman, but having two super cool seniors in the ranks. I had them, and thank goodness ran into one of them my first day, the beauty here is the relief that they can introduce you to others, you start to gain some credibility.

 

I knew I was about to be faced with navigating a new work world, my fit within a new work family, finding my footing in the city (literally). All of a sudden, I found the pace was fast, I was dodging street car tracks – heels don’t mix well with street car tracks, neither do curbs, as I found out having tripped walking up to the Ritz residences with Beau for my first formal/offical dinner party welcome to the 6ix – I was mortified, the doorman says it happens all the time (they must be paid to say that) , so given how unpolished this was, how was I actually going to fare at work? And calculating the humidex (it is actually not 30 celsius, it was more like 50,000 degrees – this changes your summer work attire immensely). It dawned on me that for the first time in a very long time I was in uncharted territory. I loved it.

I was missing Tech-Man and Mr. Dash, the inappropriate comments, the loud laughs, the comfort of knowing you had people around you that could offer you humour and wisdom.Mr. Dash, the last time I saw him before the big move, offered  his words of wisdom, he  had cautioned, careful the grass is never greener, and both literally and metaphorically it wouldn’t be, but the sun was sure shining brighter.

Anyway, I digress, it is one thing to be the  new kid at work, but another to be a new kid in the city. I had successfully gotten myself slightly turned around on numerous occasions, without the mountains (my cheat sheet for knowing where north was) I was at a loss. Solution? Big sunglasses, and darting into a storefront, and thank goodness for maps on phones, you can at least be a mess discreetly.

Thankfully, I began to find my stride (minus the heels), started connecting with kindreds at work,  found myself being taken under the wing of others, and being invited to take part in a secret club… oh wait that was suppose to be a secret wasn’t it.

However, recognising that over the past few weeks that I was in fact feeling discomfort was strangely comforting. It reaffirmed to me that taking this leap was the best decision I could have made at the exact right time of my life. In resisting against complacency, I was finding new strength, setting new goals and shaping a new life.